


Trouble with Technology

by LIZ1967



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LIZ1967/pseuds/LIZ1967
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when M gets a new piece of technology</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

The Trouble with Technology

James had just returned from a rather benign mission and was on his way to M's office. As it was still quite early, he thought he might surprise his boss by asking if she would like to join him for dinner. It's not as though they made a regular habit of meeting outside the office but due to the hour, it was quite possible that he would fall asleep on her sofa waiting for her, as she tended to work rather late when he was away. As he made his way to her office, he saw Eve listening at the door and desperately trying to contain a giggle.  
"What's so funny?" he whispered in her ear, causing her to jump  
"James" she said with a rather embarrassed look, followed by a silly grin "You're back early" she said as she quickly took her seat  
"So it would seem. So what is it? What could possibly be going in there that would cause you to listen at the door?"  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you" she said with a laugh  
"Why don't you try me, I'm due for a little humor after this unmercifully boring mission"  
"It's M" she said as she began to giggle  
"What about her?"  
"Well, Q decided that her phone was out of date and she really needed an upgrade so he got her a new, fancy phone with all the bells and whistles this morning, and she isn't very happy about it"  
"What's so funny about that?"  
"Her old phone did one thing and one thing only, it made and received calls. This one will do practically everything but the dishes. I think she's finally getting the hang of it, but...Well I'll just let you see for yourself" she said as she rang M to let her know James was waiting  
"She's waiting for you, and don't say I didn't warn you, and whatever you do...DO NOT LAUGH or she'll drop you where you stand" warned Eve  
"How can you be so sure?"  
"Because all I did was offer to help her connect to the internet and she nearly bit my head off"  
"I'll keep that in mind" he replied with a grin as he cautiously entered the office  
"Oh, 007 Welcome back" said M as she looked up briefly and the quickly returned her attention to the phone in her hand  
"What's that, a new toy?" he asked teasingly  
"What does it look like? A toaster? It's a new phone" she said wrinkling up her face as she angrily tapped at the screen  
"What's wrong? Does it take orders as well as I do?" he said with a smile  
"Now that you mention it, it's seems to be a bit more belligerent than you are" she said in a disgusted tone "It talks back"  
"Oh really" he laughed "What does it say?"  
"It supposedly has this feature called Siri where you can ask it a question and it will answer"  
"And?"  
"Well when I ask it gives me answers like "Try rephrasing the question" or "Unable to answer due to lack of information" or "I'm sorry, I didn't get that". What the hell good is this if it won't answer my question?" she said angrily  
"Well what did you ask it?" he asked as he took a seat opposite her and desperately tried not to laugh "And did you ask it nicely?"  
"I asked it what the chances were of you returning from a mission with all of your equipment intact" she said sarcastically  
"I see" he replied shifting in his seat while attempting to maintain a straight face  
"And did you know that you can play games on this?" she said showing him the screen "I found this game called Candy Crush Saga. I thought games were supposed to be relaxing, but all this one does is raise my blood pressure and make me want to chuck this thing out the nearest window"  
"Let me see it" he said leaning across the desk and taking the phone from her "Well you must not hate it that much, I see you're already on level 29" he said with a grin "And you've only had the phone less than eight hours"  
"Yes but I've been on that bloody level for over an hour, and once you've used the measly five lives they give you, you have to wait for fifteen minutes or hope someone sends you a life."  
"Why M, I had no idea that you liked the internet so much" he quipped  
"I don't, I stumbled across this while I was attempting to "Friend" my daughter on Face book"  
"And how did that work out?" he asked curiously  
"Friend request pending" she said as she took the phone back "Enough about the phone. What brings you to the office? I would have thought you would take advantage of what little free time you have..."  
"Actually it's the free time that's brought me here" he replied sitting up a little straighter in his chair  
"Oh?"  
"I just thought that since I am back early I would stop by and see if you would like to join me for dinner?"  
M looked at James for a moment and then narrowed her eyes a bit  
"What's the catch?" she asked suspiciously  
"No catch, I just figured I would save myself the trouble of breaking into your flat tonight, and try escorting you thru the front door for a change"  
"Well in that case, I would love to join you" she replied with a smile  
"How about Japanese?"  
"Fine, just let me put these files away. Which restaurant did you want to go to?" she asked  
"Whichever one is closest"  
"Which is?"  
"Let's ask you phone" he said picking the phone up  
"Don't bother, it won't answer you" she said with a disgusted tone  
James held the phone up and asked his question  
"Siri...where is the nearest Japanese restaurant?"  
They waited for a second before the phone answered  
"That would be Wagamama Japanese restaurant, would you like directions?" it asked  
"Yes please" he replied as he watched the screen for the directions to appear  
M leaned over his shoulder and glared first at the phone and then at James, before she angrily turned and stormed out of the office  
"See, all you have to do is ask nicely" he said with a laugh


	2. chapter 2

James sat across the table trying his best not to laugh as M continued to wrinkle up her face as she furiously pushed buttons and the growled at her new phone.  
"M" said James as he gingerly picked at his dinner "You're food is getting cold"  
"Yes I know...just give me a minute...Damn...Why does it keep buzzing?" she said with a rather disgruntled look  
"It means you have a message" he said rather matter of fact  
"Where...where do I have a message...I don't see any button that says retrieve message"  
"It's in you in box"  
"Well where the hell is my "INBOX" she said turning the phone around to show him the screen  
"Well not there, that's twitter" he said with a laugh  
"WHAT is TWITTER?"  
"It's another form of social media"  
"How many forms do I need?" she asked in a rather disgusted tone  
"Here let me see it" he said taking the phone "Now what is it you want to do?" he asked  
"I just want it to go back to start" she said innocently  
"Start?"  
"You know...the original screen"  
"Oh" he replied, again trying not to laugh. After a few taps, he handed the phone back "There you go...one start menu"  
"Thank God" she said "Now how do I make a call"  
"Just push the button that looks like a phone receiver, dial the number and hit send"  
"I don't have a button that says send" she replied sharply as she turned the phone around again

"Try pushing the button that says call" he said sarcastically  
"Smart ass" she replied dryly "Doesn't this thing come with a manual?"  
"I'm sure you could download one or look it up online"  
"Oh...I've hit something wrong" she said in a panic "All the little boxes are dancing"  
James could hardly contain himself. He hadn't had this much entertainment in a long time.  
"Just lightly tap the screen and they'll stop dancing" he said with a laugh  
M tapped the screen and heard a click and then furrowed her brow as she stared at the screen with a puzzled look  
"What's wrong?" he asked  
"I'm not sure"  
"What do you mean you're not sure? Let me see" he said taking the phone once again  
James stared at the screen and then burst out laughing  
"What's so funny?" she asked sharply  
"I take it photography isn't you're strong suit" he replied gasping for air  
"Why?"  
"Because you have successfully taken a picture of your nose"  
"Give me that...How in God's name did I do that? I didn't hit any button that looks like a camera" she retorted angrily  
As she took the phone, she held it up, then turned it sideways, the turned it upright again and then sideways again.  
"What are you doing?" he asked  
"I just want it to stop moving" she said staring at the phone "Every time I turn the darn thing, the screen insists on moving"  
"It's designed to do that"  
"Well make it stop, it's making me nauseous" she snapped  
"Why don't you give the poor phone a rest and finish your dinner" he said with a grin  
"Quite right. Enough of this for now" she said as she placed the phone on the table.  
The phone hadn't been out of her hand for two minutes when she heard the theme song from Raiders of the Lost Ark playing, rather loudly causing the other guests to stare  
"What is that and how do I make it stop" she said frantically  
James picked up the phone, read the screen and handed her the phone  
"It's Q" he replied nonchalantly  
"Well how do I answer it" she said looking as though she was suddenly frightened of the phone  
"Allow me" he said taking the phone and pushing a button "M's phone, how can I help you" he said with a grin "Oh hello Q...Yes , I'm holding it in my hand...It's very nice, but perhaps a bit complicated for her...No I wouldn't advise that if you value your life, she may throw it at you...Oh I see...Yes I'll be sure and tell her"  
"What did he want?"  
"He just wanted to know how you were getting on with your new phone"  
"And what is it that you advised against?"she asked suspiciously  
"He offered to come give you lessons on how to use it" he replied with a laugh "He also wanted you to know that he has set up your key people with specific ring tones so you will know who is calling"  
"Oh really, and just where might I find this list?"  
"Here let me show you" he said sliding his chair closer to hers "Here is the list"  
"So what is your ring tone?"  
James pushed his name and the theme from Mission Impossible began to play, then he pushed Tanner and the theme from Chariots of Fire began to play, then he pushed Eve and the theme from Gone with the Wind began to play then they came to Mallory"  
"I wonder what movie theme he came up with for him?" she quipped  
"Let's find out" he replied pushing Mallory's name  
They both began to laugh as the Wicked Witch theme from the Wizard of Oz began to play  
"Too bad the flying Monkey's didn't have a theme song. I see him more as a monkey" she said with a laugh  
"Let's change his, I don't see him as a character in a children's movie" replied James as he quickly tapped a few screens, chose a new song and then tapped a few more times "There, much more fitting" he said proudly as Darth Vader's theme song began to play  
"James, you are positively evil!" she replied with a laugh "But you do realize that these will all have to be changed as this is my work phone"  
"I don't see why, you can always turn it to vibrate when you're not in the office"  
"That's all I need, My pocket vibrating every ten seconds" she said almost sounding annoyed  
"Well, it's something to think about"  
After they had finished dinner, James escorted M home, and just as they enter her flat James reached out and took her arm and pulled her back to him.  
"James...What are you doing?" she asked with a slightly confused look  
"Q wanted me to tell you that he set your phone up with one more "Special" feature just for you" he said softly as he took her phone  
"And just what is that?" she asked curiously  
He pushed the button at the bottom to activate the Siri feature and handed her the phone  
"I want you to ask it a question" he said softly  
"We have already determined that it doesn't like me"  
"It will always answer this question, no matter what tone you ask it in" he replied as he put his arm around her  
"Alright...what is it?"  
He leaned down and whispered the question in her ear  
"You can't be serious" she replied sounding almost dumbfounded  
"Go ahead...give it a try" he prodded  
"Where is 007?" she asked, staring at the phone, not expecting a reply  
"Standing right beside you" was the answer


End file.
